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holyjesusbatman
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Subject: Dear Onion,
I hate you. I know you're strong and everything; but you smell. Worse yet, even your scent is strong.

I don't cut you because you're so fast, your Agility has nothing to do with it. The fact of the matter is that your scent is so potent, that when I cut you I can't help but cry. Do me a favor please, change your scent; and make it a nice scent. You know, something that I can stand the smell of...like a rose, they smell great!

You might even kill me in one hit; and I'm sorry to inform you that you're not that stong, yet again it's that damn scent! When you get so close I have to get away; and if treating you like a bear by playing dead is the trick, then I'm doing it! So I will give credit where credit is due, you have a *very* potent scent. Now please take care of it!

I'm not alone in this, either. You don't need to wear armor (though I'd wager that you do) because no one will cut you! It's not because your Defense is so powerful that you don't need armor, it's because you smell. Everyone cries when you are cut; and it's not their fault, it's yours. You don't beat anyone up, you take advantage of a moment of weakness and use it to its most devasting effects. That's right, I'm accusing you of a lowblow to the olfactory!

If you were to tell me that you needed more than 1 strike upon anyone in this game, I would call you a liar. All you have to do is cut yourself and everyone dies. If I were capable of doing that too, I'd have as insane a kill count as you do. I'm calling hacks, by the way; because I'd really like to know how in the blazes you've managed to get such an Evil scent to be produced.

Now, after all of the pain and torture you produce upon the rest of the world, will you grant me one favor before you kill me? Please dice yourself up and add yourself to my nachos; because I really don't want to have to put you on the cutting board. Seriously though, why is your scent so Evil!?

Regards,
HJB

P.S. I hope you're laughing your butt off over this, Onion!

Time Posted: September 27 2010 11:17 pm EDT
Last updated: September 28 2010 01:22 pm EDT


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